Things to Avoid When Teaching Your Child to Talk

Have you ever heard things like parents cause language delays? Or bilingualism can? Or even personality?

Well, spoiler, those are not true! Let’s break this down!

Parents:

• Parents don’t cause speech or language delays! But parents can work to provide an optimal environment to help facilitate their child’s development (at whatever their own best pace might be)

• Most parents and other adults do a few things when they talk to children that are not helpful for that child’s communication development. While they may not be a problem for a typical talker, it makes a big difference for our language-delayed kids to avoid these:

  • Coaching your child “Say ____” to get them to talk

  • Asking questions to get them to talk

  • Using sentences or words above their level

  • Creating environments where your child can be independent

  • Interpreting your child’s needs and meeting them readily

So, Why Is This A Problem?

• COACHING ‘SAY’: When you tell your child “say ___”, you are bringing their attention to you and the act of copying the word. This means they are NOT processing the situation or the meaning of the word. Many children will incorrectly learn that the cue to this word is that you will instruct them, rather than knowing how to use it on their own.

• ASKING QUESTIONS: Questions are very repetitive in their content and often limit the words and sentences children are exposed to during their interactions with adults. They also direct the conversation to what the adult wants to talk about and add time pressure, both of which can quickly lose many kids.

• COMPLEX LANGUAGE: We want to provide children with words and sentences that are developmentally appropriate so that they can USE them! If the vocabulary or grammar is too complex, children will only partially understand what is being said and (like most adults) children don’t use words they don’t know in their everyday conversations.

• INDEPENDENCE: While independence is great, it limits the opportunities your child has to communicate with you. When a child’s toys, snacks, etc. are all easily accessible and they can complete most tasks or routines without your support, they will not need to practice their talking skills

• INTERPRETING: As above, if we are too good at knowing what the child needs, they will not have to improve their communication skills. While we always want to acknowledge and validate a child’s current way of communicating, it is important to also wait and give them the opportunity to grow beyond that too.

What Can You Do Instead?

• INSTEAD OF COACHING: Use repetition. By repeating “HI… HI… HI…” three to five times slowly, you’re giving the child the time they need to process the situation and hear the word paired with it. If you want to encourage them to say it too, we want to wait and look at them expectantly for 10 seconds.

• INSTEAD OF QUESTIONS: Make comments about what the child is seeing or doing to teach them new words! Instead of asking them questions like “What’s that?” (Dog) followed by “What does a dog say?”, use more words your child doesn’t use themselves yet! Sleepy dog, happy dog, big dog, fluffy dog, hot dog, etc.

• INSTEAD OF COMPLEX: Use sentences that are 1-2 words longer than what your child is using themselves and words related to concepts they would be interested in using themselves. For example, if your child is using two-word phrases like “Car go!” or “Dada shoe”, you could use sentences like “Cars go fast!” or “Car goes down!” or “Where’s Dada’s shoe?” or “Dada’s shoe is BIG!”. We recommend using accurate grammar and pronunciation always, but at a level of complexity, your child can understand and start to use (even if their grammar and pronunciation will have some errors still).

• INSTEAD OF INDEPENDENCE: Create a few opportunities during your day where your child will have to talk to you. You might put some of their toys in a clear container with a tricky lid, or buy them snacks they cannot open on their own.

• INSTEAD OF INTERPRETING: Feign misunderstanding or purposely make a small mistake and wait for your child to clarify or correct you (e.g., give them paper but no crayons). It is important to wait a LONG time! Oftentimes we do not wait long enough for children to realize they have been misunderstood and figure out what to try next before we give them support.

Two Myths About Things To Avoid:

1) Bilingualism

• Many families worry that teaching their children two languages will cause a delay. This is false! Bilingual children grow at the same rate as their peers, but it is spread out across two languages (i.e., a bilingual child might have 20 words in English and 30 words in their home language, while a monolingual child will have 50 English words).

• They also are able to learn grammatical rules at the same rate (i.e., after hearing a couple hundred exposures) but since they are not exposed to one language 100% of the time it takes them longer than their monolingual peers to get those exposures.

• If your child has a language delay, you may be tempted to stop using one language to build their proficiency. Speech therapists do not recommend this!! It usually means that children end up losing their home language altogether, as it only gets harder to learn with time. If parents are not fluent in English themselves, it can also mean that the child does not really have any “first language” at all. It is always best to use YOUR best language with your child!

2) Talkative Peers and Siblings

• Many parents worry that younger children with a quieter personality are more likely to be delayed because their siblings or friends often will “talk for them”. This is false! While older siblings or more talkative children might be faster to answer questions for them from adults or help clarify what the child wants/needs, they are far more beneficial than they are detrimental to a child with language delays.

• Peers (typically) will not coach the child on what to say, ask them repetitive questions, or use language that is too complex. During play, peers won’t always interpret things correctly or provide support, so children HAVE to communicate more effectively to participate.

• Peers and siblings naturally provide some of the best language exposure children can get, which is why many children have an explosion of language when they get into preschool!

• If you have a child that “talks for” their younger or quieter sibling, it can be helpful to facilitate activities or conversations where everyone gets their turn to talk and to prepare the older child that we’re going to wait quietly and patiently, even if someone’s turn to talk is a little slower than ours.

Remember…

These are hard things to get rid of because everyone does them when talking to kids. If you need support and practice with an SLP, contact Brighten and we can give you feedback and ensure you’re using the best communication practices. Book a free consult here!